in love with the pain...
in love with the silent screams that chike my throat...
in love with the knife that freezes my blood...
in love with the silence that covers my nerves...
in love with the eyes beautifully stoned...
in love with the words that could make the sanest man laugh like mad...
in love with hope... the most sarcastic word i ever heard...
in love with my life.....
ahhhh... nothing to say... silence will be enough...

sleep never comes...
forever my eyes droop in darkness..
the haunted dark...the beautiful dark...
dark surrounded by shadows of ghosts...
living ghosts... burried ghosts...
ghosts of life...
ghosts of death...
ghosts of sound...
ghosts of breathe...
strangling my freedom...strangling my death...
to give me a life...as beautiful as death...

and in want of life i stand empty...
to be fullfilled by the darkness of life...
they say im strong... but i have no courage...
i have no courage to put myself to death...

a beautiful pain coliding with the solitary notions of my mind.....
increasing the numbness... decreasing the pain....
watching the beautiful trail of smoke covering my breathe....
it is constant... unlike my breathe... fluctuating its path....
and the nerves decieve my body...
like the heart decieves my soul...
and the brain hammorrages slowly....
heating the nerves... cooling the blood...
making no mtion what so ever...
the numbness covers the body, blood and soul....
silenced..............

so thereby i go.....
i flow i flow....
and the journey begins...............
and the journey ends..............
endless this journey seems to go on......
and whenever i feel i reached my goal........
my goal, the seeming illusion......
carries me further to flow and flow.....

flow till the time is gone....
flow till the meaning is found....
the meaning of this illusionary life forever seems to go on and on.............

why does it shiver today..........
my silence... insecure of its being...
the image floats in the lake....
disturbed by unwanted pebbles and stones.....
why does it shiver today...
my silence frustrated with her soul.................
a strange wind passes by........ a current somewhere did flow............

numbed beauty surprised by its nature.....
the drop brings the blood to flow............
my blue veins... can feel the heat.......
its horrifying... its insecure.........

the stoned eyes disturbed by the dust.....
the sand penetrates as the wind blows....
making the lids flap one flap two.....
breaking the spell disturbing the flow..................

and so i stand withstanding the storm.......
for the dust wont make me flow............
the silence is long lived.... will come back to me again.....
the insecure breathe will be numbed again...
and in my silence i will feel secure....
for nothing can doom me again........
beautifully silenced........

silence......... what does it mean... an urge? a question? or an identity?
emotions that were never expressed... or lack of any emotion...
a lonely heart... or an overcrowded street... a haunted room of past... or the hollow mansion of present...
is it a word... a noun... adjective or a theory...
and most importantly............ why does it all matter... the point is that it is all silent.............................
and silence is what matters... it is all that i treasure... that i truly completely lay myself on... cause if it is not this silence........................ my life would have been so empty... for silence fills it to content.........
beautifully silenced.................................

I let the candle burnI let the sweat runCan’t hold it anymoreBut I still go on...And before the night falls into another burning dayI let my tears burn wherever my shadows layHoping they would make a markA ray of hope in pitch darkFor I’m tired... I still go on...But before the day arrivesAnd takes them out of sightI want to see them allBefore I move in brightBut to all as it seems brightThat day is darker than nightAnd so I hold my night before it fallsFor this night gives me a vision to see it allThe shadows on this wall...I see a maiden dressed in lightBraiding someone’s hairI see a game of hide and seekWorth someone finding her pairI see two girls fighting and cribbingAnd ever refusing to shareI see two arms consoling each otherTo believe I’m always there...And so my tears burnWhere the shadows runAnd there they leave a markCraving to hold onFor I’m tired, but I still go on...Half the candle burned awayHalf the night swept awayAnd slowly the shadows reduce to halfI see no maiden but I still see someoneSomeone I see only half...I now see some strange shadows aroundTorturing the soul unboundBinding it in cages of fearOf love, of happiness, of hollow tearsBut the marks are different hereThose traced of redCapturing the lost sound...But the shadow escapes those marksAgain I let it goAnd likewise I let the time flowTo dry the left over marksFor I’m tired, I still go on...I light a new candle for the night still remainsAnd darker it gets as my vision expandsAnd darker it gets as the shadow expandsMy innocent self becomes fearful behind the shadow stains...The shivering shadow turns fearlessFearless in search of existenceFearless in search of beingAnd I see someone moving aloneAlone in the company of dreams...And there the night fallsMy tears come to lightI find no marksI find no shadowAll engulfed in bright...The fearful shadow disappearsThe fearless self remainsAnd here my vision endsAnd here I turn insane...The blind self craves for lightIn the day full of shimmering brightIt is blind, it loves to be soFor light it cannot take inIn search of light, in want of lightIn dark it flew all nightAnd so the light has made it blindAnd the craving self goes on...I let the sweat runAnd the dead candle burnAnd the lost shadow run...For the day is here to make me blindAnd I keep searching in darkMy crave for light will forever go on...I’m tired, I still move on...