a journey

so here i am
in"the land of serenity"
so i see my dream came true
so i felt my hands getting numb
unable to press through
the ink flows less
and the words are deformed
not so well constructed
the rocks fell down
as the wind blew
and the days pass by
i stopped writing
put a glove on
tried again
but nearly failed
this life
could it be any simpler
or such is its being
when amongst all there is
to cherish and to live
to see and to breathe
to absorb the warm beauty
of the valley that now lies
amongst aged and as far
as one could remember
have lived these mighty roars
that make not a sound
as the wind blew
the rocks fell down
they made not a sound
as the river crossed another
an age long journey
and the stream flew
they still flow with icy hands
knocking over pieces of dry land
where they left the unforgiving sand
that stood now daunting the valley
i stopped again
drifted a while
took on my favorite path
and came here
the valley where lies
beyond my deepest conscience

this love so beautiful
and not too
did these trees forever stood
the way they now
staring into your eye
spreading each branch
so witheringly they look
yes they haunt
when you see yourself
amongst the life that bloomed
luscious and living they stood
when the cold penetrated
and quietened the hemisphere
only the wind blew
now so loud
face wide open
like a shadow
that was set free
and danced here and there
all by itself
into the valley
where the wind does
accompany the river
till one could resist
from being tempted
to retrace the path
that was left behind
in search for nothing
nothing that would make a difference
or would it maybe
if tomorrow i go back
to find
that shadow
would it dare to come
would it momentarily
blind my vision
as the wind blew
and as fast as it could
would it blow too
my mind
now scattered around
like a hungry boar
searching for something to feed on
life could it be any simpler
or this is how it was going to be

the snow came down the valley
like little white pearls it flew here and there
covering the dry land with beauty and love
slowly it descends in the quite of the night
leaving not a need for the morning sun

Spring...

when did you seep in
as the ice melted
after months long winter

and wasn't it just a while ago
when the snow fell
and the children danced
while the women laughed
and this beauty
that lay right before my eyes
got covered and lost its charm
like the mystic brown tree
covered in a blanket of snow

when did you seep in
oh shy spring
melted the snow
right before my eyes
did i realize?
did i hear the sound
of the birds passing by
did i feel the scent
or saw the colors change
from rusty brown and white
to red blue and green
who did you ask
before you came by
with your melodious song
ringing loud in my ears
like echoes of each passing day

when did i see the river flow down
changing to water on empty ground
a patch of dry land
moistened now perfectly well
when did you plant the seed
did i realize
when the first flower came
and scented the valley
did i see the blushing tree
slowly spreading its leaves
and the warm shy bud
playing hide and seek
until i turned my eyes
so it could blossom to flower

who did you ask
before you came by
i was perfectly seated
in my winter cot
soothing were winters
the doors well shut
under the fire light
did i forget to close them
and slept through the night
while the summer breeze
crawled into my room

the bird came flying
from a distant land
sat on my lap
taught me how to sing
the chirping songs of spring
in admiration i looked
with question in my eyes
will you come and go?
and leave me to fall

fall shall come by
as the spring came unknown
for such is its being
said the chirping soul

who did you ask
before you passed by

worry not O Maid
i shall pass too
before you shall know
the flowers will shy
and the leaves shall fall
before you doze off
fall shall come by
and put you back to sleep
in your winter cot

Now

as it stands now

clear and done

all this time

wasted

slaughtered

put on fire…

all these years

turned to ashes

my selfish being

caught and strangled

now burning down

o2, 03

sitting on my couch

sipping my yummy cup of tea

smoking and coughing…

and coughing again

and after tonight

did i realize

when the mist clears down

sitting on my couch

sipping my cup of tea

everything is fine

you sit here and smoke a joint

and wake up tomorrow

catch a flight

everything is fine

roars aloud the ice desert

opens its arms wide

mocks at the ashes

now turned white

come freeze your burning self

freeze it to death

if at all

to let it off..

your shoulders now tired

shattered

call for

the ultimate

The pearl beach

the three of us now dazed
in the late afternoon mire
decided to walk down the beach
a seamless beauty.. i was going to see
Now absorbed by constant to and fro..
thoughts poured like swarm of bees
the utmost vulnerable sections of our mind
driven by whatever we could find
to drink and fill our sacks
so the journey could last for a while

one, drooping over the luscious flowers...
or the clouds made patterns in your eyes
sometimes startled by play full fields
and the water flowing down...
Would deviate your path every now and then..
Until you captured every moment..
Where memories fails to play a part..

Hopping up and down was other..
his bare foot caressing pieces of land
softly squishing and dancing to his voice...
Notes fell like dew..
Tenderly waking the morning flower

recollecting every piece every spot
from wandering way too far...my mind
now stuck on one and two
counted each step we took
Withholding every thought every moment
from crumbling the joy of time

After walking an hour or two
there came a distant land
dabbled with green flora
and the scent of disconnected sand
Followed the infinte ocean
where images merged with water..
not a sound or soul

i stood in reclusive awe
as the wave emerged undaunted
and washed over, with every drop
slipped like sand all my wisdom
now scattered in the vaunt

the shells must still be there
lost so long now a wave must have
driven them to dry sand

shadow

i saw a shadow tonight
a shadow of me walking down...
taking each step.. looking around..
eyes never caught a glimpse...

and i see many people around...
voices and laughters and tales lost and found..
people that fought and loved..
and fought again...

my hands reached for the empty space... and lapsed
and yet no one could see...
i was just a shadow indeed...
travelled through time.. lost in haze..
waiting for none to come around..

they were beautiful faces... blooming full of life..
together they shared the tales of yester years..

Together they laughed together they cried
And the tea poured down into each cup
toasted and tasted every night

I closed my eyes I fell asleep
And saw myself on a hilltop
Beautiful it was one isolated rock
Surrounded by birds that few in flocks

And as i looked down the hill
there lay familiar ground
A pretty land of lost souls
Made up of sand and mud
there were little huts
I knocked on one and another
There was not a sound

Tired and desperate i turned back
And saw dead shadows around
voices and laughters and tales lost and found...
shadows of people that fought and loved
And fought again...

In the mist of Silence

silent notes are falling behind...
shadows buried.. some alive...
we make new ones as we grow...
some have lagged long behind..

silent self... brings me closer to myself..
my being.. falling in love with the silent nymph..
i want to hug myself today...
not cause i have suddenly lost all my love to this universe i have so far treasured to be a part of,,,

i want to hug myself today..
and wipe my tears..
and pat on my back..
say its going to be fine...
sing myself to a soothing sleep..
cause i love... the little me,
who has seen all these years wipe in dust...
crushed in storm,
fallen in autumn... frozen so long...
born every summer.. lived all along...

and so after so long.. today i write to my silence again..
call for her.. to take me back...
i have sinned not listened to her so long...
abandoned her whilst i was blindfold by my hapless mind...

dont know how to make up to my silence.. my love..
my only little friend who loved me.. all along..

i left her behind thought its time to live a life..
beyond her silent cages i shall find music of soul

but forget did i her soothin song,
she jingles in my ear every night...
she brought it with the morning sun...
to the tunes of her silent self.. iv spent many winter nights..
she did not look back once.. nor did she complain...
in her silent being... she quietly walked away...

and when i think today wasted.. and lost..
i ponder all those years... i spent while she was gone...

did i hear a cry... a laughter, or a sigh...

did i hear the broken glass.. saw it flowing down..
there it is lying still... scattered on the ground...
made up of some foolishness... in the night we sang a song..
while we cried and fought.. and shouted the song of peace...

but where did i loose it while shouting so loud...
my little one ran away, in my sleep i saw the grave...

did i drop a tear.. or the rain fell quite hard that day...
did it hurt.. or did it not...
was i in pain.. or did i smoke pot...

May...............................................................

Break Through…
My Word…
I believe In You.
But you shattered them all..
My dream was a lie..
A lie that I lived in..
Breaking all wise..
And yet..
I dnt know why..
Even though I still see you..
You seem far away though..
Likeness is no more a concern..

But why is it so..
That you left me alone..
Alone to my demise..
You never care.. I understand.
But you did care..
And care is what you left apart.. so here I am..

So here I am..
Laughing at my own goodwill..
Feeling that the time would fly.
Fly in its own good worthiness..
To make me believe..
That death was all I had..

It was all I had to look upon..
When you chose what was best for you...
And hence you chose me.. you chose my demise..

Praise you though as human you turned
To shatter all what I fed upon..
And shatter all I feel.. but I believe its good..
Its good cause iv loved it always..

Bless you may..
Your Kay is gone.
Gone now into abyss..
Lost.
Silenced…
Beautifully though

Silence Rushes By.................

Streaming down the narrow gulf..
Rushes unto the ocean wide..
Holding on to scattered visions...
Silence rushes by...

Compelled to break all bonds..
The cold will ruin the warmth...
And fallen away the wastefull rain...
Turned forever to snowfall....

The snow will fall to fill up the patches...
As the land below would cease to breathe...
And eternity would take to break the Ice..
No fire will turn on the Light..

Light the fire before Eternity Bonds..
And Slaves we become to the Immortal Wounds..

The night Approaches numb...
Cold is the wounded night...
Holding on to scattered visions...
Silence rushes by...

Pretty lies the snow so white..
Holding the Dark visions inside..
And poison is always slow and bright...
Until it colds the heart inside...

Unforbidden, the rain falls...
Sowes the land fresh...
Forbidden snow will soon cover..
The land forbidden to breath(e)...

And lying below my immortal soul...
Would freeze to eternity..

Falling from the bright blue sky...
Exhaling the cold windless nights...
Far from an unfaithfull ear
Whining away, the music dies...
Waving flakes make no noise...
Freezing all that comes and goes...
Silence hushes by.....

Dark Night Engulf me in Your Arms.....
Wanna see no more the Rising Sun...
Wanna hear no more the Birds at 4...
Wanna dream no more what can never be True....

Dark night engulf me in your arms....
Cant see whats written in my Fate Forever...
Could be somethin.. I wanted to Dream Never....
How much did a rose dream a life in a Palace..
But forgot it could never escape from Its Skin Of Thorns....

Dark Night Engulf me in your Arms..

And We Love The Rain But We Could Never..
For we let it wash Away, thats gives us Pleasure...
It Can Either Stay Or Be Loved...
Thats her Fate..
And She pours Down Again and Again..
Its drying Now.. Who Would Save The Storm...

Dark night Engulf Me In Your Arms....

Silence-2

Today once again I felt my silence come and sit besides me...
No today I am not unhappy... but peace... in absolute peace I lay...
Still there is a wave of disturbance in my heart which tells me that a big storm is awaiting...
I remember mentioning the silence after the storm... here I talk of its nature before one...

The silence that provokes ones mind with memories of the past,
That deadly silence is pathetic
But not as much as the silence which brings about the splintering thoughts of future
Which makes one shudder..
Changing circumstances in one's life can create a monotonous space.
It ain't easy, I agree, to accept and compromise on past,
Which has already inflicted injury upon us,
But isnt it more trembling a fact to compromise on forthcoming miseries...

Its like the fate of a leaf which is half brown, half green and who's seen his companions,
The brown leaves fall from their branch and mingle into the brown earth...
How hard would it be for the leaf to accept that he has to meet one day the same end...
Silence, that burns one from inside,
On the very thought of the known and
Yet to come future is what I talk of today...

It is restless, excited and active
Unlike the silence which proceeds these disastrous nerve wrecking events
Which in contrast is fatigued, inactive, and deadly...
This silence is not deadly, it is full of life.
It is restless... restless in want of making a change...
A change in order to avoid the future... to avoid the inevitable future...

Silence which proceeds has born all its consequences,
It knows of its own nature and what harm it can cause,
As has already inflicted on one being...
But the silence which precedes is an opposite and dangerous to what the first has been...
In extreme cases it can also turn one insane or mindless...

Today once again I feel my silence come and sit besides me...
It has made the dead alive, the peace restless and
Transformed the inactive dullness of my life
To an active and exciting voice of pain...
My heart today shirks of its own thoughts
And fears the forthcoming circumstances... the nerverecking future...

It fears how they would affect its previously affected wavelengths
How pathetic can one circumstance make out of an already dead soul
But that consolation I cannot give my heart today,
As this silence has brought in dead
The waves of life.
But that of a pain greater than any other...

Im not unhappy today
Im just restless, to bring about a change, somehow
So as to stop those waves of life...
To escape the boundaries of my heart...
Once again...

SILENCE - (5)

I see it crawling, somewhere near the shore...
Its been long since i saw it, a decade since its last visit...
It approaches, slowly near me, scared but constant steps,
she comes closer...
She peeps but finds no danger, perhaps the time has come...
When i meet my silence again...

Silence, My Love..................................................................

How could i stay so far from you..
when you've armed my growth, my birth....
How could i not miss you.....
when you're all i'v ever heard.........

And now that you are close, i can feel your essence....

I can feel my heart sinking in you.....
I can feel my soul craving for you...
For in your cold arms..
it will find refuge.......

And ever since you left, this world has been a nightmare....
There is no end to layers, however much i see...
And yet nothing could ever replace, your arms of care...
Those venemous arms, that could numb whatever i feel.....

I need that venoum back into my nerves,
Long time i confess i was addicted to you...
And though i was reformed, not just once, since you left..
None could cure m,y disease, I still welcome you....

I see her clearly now, on the shore, her fear is now gone...
And since she heard my vows of despair,
she believes now, she could win me...
All she waits is for an arm top open,
to welcome her, into my soul.....

I wish you had been earlier than this....
Cause im no more used to you....
But if you cant be my refuge....
I'll be forever you......

I'll wrap my soul in you...
and become one with you...
Cause Silence my love... You're the one...
My soulmate, My being, My birth, My death...
My father, My mother..
And ah!!!!!!!!!!! My truth.......

Silence To Silenced...............................

Silence my love......
i stand benumb waiting...
for the night to end...
for the dew to moist my dry soul...
to bring in the bright sky...
to bring in the warm spring..
into the cold fall...

Silence my love...

but spring disappeared..
and came the rain...
here comes the storm...
i waited, i was drained...
drained unto the core..
i resisted.. i held..
i waited.. i failed..
silenced.............

came the fall again..
this time i am numb...
the land waited for the moist..
and the rain barged in..

how can a crop grow in a barren land...
but more so would they fear.. the floods..

and so do here i am.. flooded and numb..
for the cold water had now comfortably made its way...
to drown a barren land...

silence my love...
now im silenced...
beautifully silenced...........

Clouds Of Mist.............

And it gathers again today...
my very own clouds of mist...
slowly it appears..
one blue line.. absurd.. abstract...
appears from nowhere.. in the bright blue sky..
it merges and disappears..
and i thought all was fine..
but suddenly it was all dark...
dark blue.. dark black..

benumbed i stand.. gazing blindly
into my clouds of mist...
i stand.. shivering.. i stand still...
calling from far..
is my bright blue sky...

complete i am.. all sound.. all senses..
complete i am.. with my clouds of mist...
slowly i see them piercing my soul..
slowly i see them all over me..
and i sweat..
sweat in those vicious black vapours...
its breaking the hope.. with its dark blue veins..
coiling around...
and i turn cold.. my neves turn white..

a beat is skipped...
a rhythm lost...
and i just stumbled..
ah! that hurts..
it leaves a mark..
i loose my vision..
so does the world..
in this cloud of mist...

and yet one can see..
red it shines..
one can only see the mark
in this vicious dark...

benumbed i stand.. forever..
into my very own..
clouds of mist............

in love with the pain...
in love with the silent screams that chike my throat...
in love with the knife that freezes my blood...
in love with the silence that covers my nerves...
in love with the eyes beautifully stoned...
in love with the words that could make the sanest man laugh like mad...
in love with hope... the most sarcastic word i ever heard...
in love with my life.....
ahhhh... nothing to say... silence will be enough...

sleep never comes...
forever my eyes droop in darkness..
the haunted dark...the beautiful dark...
dark surrounded by shadows of ghosts...
living ghosts... burried ghosts...
ghosts of life...
ghosts of death...
ghosts of sound...
ghosts of breathe...
strangling my freedom...strangling my death...
to give me a life...as beautiful as death...

and in want of life i stand empty...
to be fullfilled by the darkness of life...
they say im strong... but i have no courage...
i have no courage to put myself to death...

a beautiful pain coliding with the solitary notions of my mind.....
increasing the numbness... decreasing the pain....
watching the beautiful trail of smoke covering my breathe....
it is constant... unlike my breathe... fluctuating its path....
and the nerves decieve my body...
like the heart decieves my soul...
and the brain hammorrages slowly....
heating the nerves... cooling the blood...
making no mtion what so ever...
the numbness covers the body, blood and soul....
silenced..............

so thereby i go.....
i flow i flow....
and the journey begins...............
and the journey ends..............
endless this journey seems to go on......
and whenever i feel i reached my goal........
my goal, the seeming illusion......
carries me further to flow and flow.....

flow till the time is gone....
flow till the meaning is found....
the meaning of this illusionary life forever seems to go on and on.............

why does it shiver today..........
my silence... insecure of its being...
the image floats in the lake....
disturbed by unwanted pebbles and stones.....
why does it shiver today...
my silence frustrated with her soul.................
a strange wind passes by........ a current somewhere did flow............

numbed beauty surprised by its nature.....
the drop brings the blood to flow............
my blue veins... can feel the heat.......
its horrifying... its insecure.........

the stoned eyes disturbed by the dust.....
the sand penetrates as the wind blows....
making the lids flap one flap two.....
breaking the spell disturbing the flow..................

and so i stand withstanding the storm.......
for the dust wont make me flow............
the silence is long lived.... will come back to me again.....
the insecure breathe will be numbed again...
and in my silence i will feel secure....
for nothing can doom me again........
beautifully silenced........

silence......... what does it mean... an urge? a question? or an identity?
emotions that were never expressed... or lack of any emotion...
a lonely heart... or an overcrowded street... a haunted room of past... or the hollow mansion of present...
is it a word... a noun... adjective or a theory...
and most importantly............ why does it all matter... the point is that it is all silent.............................
and silence is what matters... it is all that i treasure... that i truly completely lay myself on... cause if it is not this silence........................ my life would have been so empty... for silence fills it to content.........
beautifully silenced.................................